Bob McGinn interviewed Ted Thompson the other day , but it really told us more about McGinn than anything. Let’s have some fun and convert Bob’s leading questions into statements. For instance:

Q. Given this franchise’s money, management structure, stadium, training facilities, fan support and tradition, has it reached the point here where the Packers should at least have a winning record every year?

Becomes

The Packers should never have a bad season ever. Due partially to tradition.

Question:

Q. The Packers’ only playoff victory in the last three seasons was over the Joe Webb-quarterbacked Minnesota Vikings. Have the Packers underachieved in the postseason from 2011-’13 considering you have a quarterback like Aaron Rodgers in his prime?

Translation:

You have the best quarterback in football and all you have to show for it is one measly victory over some loser team with a wide receiver at quarterback. I can’t believe you have pissed away so much of Aaron Rodgers’ prime. You should be ashamed of yourself. Talk to me again when you win a real playoff game.

Question:

Q.In your mind, is Green Bay one of the few elite organizations in the league? If so, who should be cited for this?

Translation

Something’s clearly working here, but it can’t possibly be because of you, you old dipshit. Did you know that, in ancient Roman times, you probably would’ve died like 15 years ago? Man. You should probably go to the doctor like yesterday.

Question:

Q. You’re 61½, right about Ron’s age when he departed. Does money mean a lot to you? A bust in Canton? What motivates you? What more would you like to accomplish as GM of the Packers?

And

Q. I know negotiating vice president Russ Ball, who is 54, has done everything that he possibly can to learn the personnel side of the business. How would he fare one day as your successor? Would you like to see that happen?

Translation:

Sometimes, I’ll be sitting here interviewing you, and then I get this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach and the hair stands up on my arms, and I’m like: “HOLY SHIT, what if Ted Thompson died 3 years ago and I was talking to one of my 89 NFL front office/scout sources at the time so I didn’t notice and now I’m talking to a ghost like that kid in the movie?

You’re OLD. So old. Old-timer. Oldy. You should retire and let Russ take over. Old.

TedT

This is the look Ted gave Bob through the entire interview.

Question:

Q. Do you really think the Packers should be proud of going 2-5-1 against a soft schedule (including five at home) when Rodgers was injured last year?

Translation:

You suck for not being going over .500 without the league’s best player. If you had Kyle Orton you would have gone 6-2 and gotten a first round bye and won the Super Bowl. You cost us a Super Bowl. I hate you.

Question:

Q. What was it like last season to see how the other 75% lives and not have your franchise quarterback? Were there benefits for the organization to have gone through that?

Translation:

You are NOTHING without Aaron Rodgers. NOTHING.

Question:

Q. Have you approached Rodgers or the offensive coaches in an attempt to make sure he gets the ball out of his hand as quickly as possible?

Translation

You need to tell Aaron how to play quarterback because he is holding the ball too long and that is a thing that general managers do. I know because I watch a lot of football and even get to stand in the locker room sometimes.

Question:

Q. Why did you wait until April 15, the day before Matt Flynn had a visit set with the Giants, to re-sign him? Wasn’t that a tad risky, or did you have a tacit agreement with Flynn about returning?

Translation:

I can’t believe you almost screwed this up AGAIN! Jeez!

Question:

Q. Did you ultimately make the call to allow center Evan Dietrich-Smith to leave in free agency and replace him with JC Tretter? What went into that decision?

Translation:

You obviously hate centers. This kind of thing is going to get Aaron killed if you don’t tell him he holds the ball too long, you old fart.

Question:

Q. Of the Packers’ top six offensive linemen, you drafted four in the fourth round and signed another as a rookie free agent. Is there personal pride in seeing this unheralded group of players jell? Is there hope this unit could be the team’s best in the last decade?

Translation:

I can’t believe you entrust your quarterback to a bunch of garbage draft picks like this. No wonder he got hurt.

Question:

Q. The Packers took no financial risk signing tight end Colt Lyerla 10 days after the draft. Given the multiple character concerns that caused some teams to dismiss him entirely, why would you risk the reputation and image of the Packers by signing someone like that?

Translation:

Colt Lyerla has probably killed already and will likely kill again. The Packers are only supposed to sign Boy Scouts and kids who were in the 4-H club.

So you admit to signing Lyerla? No, Mr. Thompson, what are you doing?! Stay Away! No!!! (Dramatization, may not have happened)

So you admit to signing Lyerla? No, Mr. Thompson, what are you doing?! Stay Away! No!!!
(Dramatization, may not have happened)

Question:

Q. After a very poor year, almost the entire defensive coaching staff and most of the top players return. What would you like to see more of from the defense this season?

Translation

Your defense is absolutely horrible and you have basically the same people coming back. So good luck with that.

Question:

Q. Julius Peppers, an old pass rusher playing a position in the base defense that he has never played before, was your major off-season acquisition. Do you think it’s going to work out?

Translation:

Oh, except for old man Peppers. He’s almost as old as you, gramps. And you’re moving him to linebacker. That’ll totally work out great as long as Colt doesn’t steal his Alzheimer’s medication.

Question:

Q. How will B.J. Raji fare after turning down about $20 million guaranteed and coming back for one year and $4 million?

Translation:

Man, you guys sure pulled a fast one on BJ. Though, he sucks now, so maybe he pulled a fast one on you.

Question:

Q. During your long playing career with the Oilers, I’m sure players didn’t have energy snacks brought to them during practice, equipment men ferrying their shoulder pads after practice and an abundance of amenities everywhere you turned. Do you support an environment in which Green Bay players get the best of everything and might become pampered as a result?

Translation:

Your players are constantly hurt because you treat them like babies you old softy. Haven’t you seen the Junction Boys? Or Major League? God I love Tom Berenger.

Question:

Q. When Badgers linebacker Chris Borland slipped in the draft, did you try to move up from pick No. 85 in the third round (Khyri Thornton) and select Borland before he went No. 77 to San Francisco?

Translation:

Chris Borland went to Wisconsin and I live in Wisconsin too! And so do you! You should probably have tried harder to draft him, I’ll bet his name recognition would have sold a lot of tickets.

Can you believe that Ted rarely talks to the media? It’s just shocking.

 

(Thanks to @Rubie_Q for pitching in.)

 

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