From the Far Hash: Blogging with the Enemy (Sort of)
The Packers are traveling to Baltimore this weekend to face the defending Super Bowl Champions Ravens. To continue my new column of Blogging with the Enemy, I tried reaching out to some Ravens blogs.
Well, none of them wanted to return my inquiries. Maybe they were too busy trying to find Joe Flacco’s Mighty Wings. Whatever, you self-sanctimonious pricks.
So, I did the next best thing. I contacted a good buddy of mine from grad school, P. Fizzle. Yes, P. Fizzle isn’t his real name, but he’s concerned with revealing his true identity on the internet because he may or may not have been involved in very public email/forum/blog wars with Colin Cowherd, Jim Rome, Auburn fans, LSU fans, Florida fans, Rush Limbaugh, Skip Bayless, Steve Spurrier, Ed Orgeron, Houston Nutt, and a few pinup girls. He also defended my honor against some flat earthers who don’t believe in climate under the alias P. Fizzle.
There is precedent to keep his privacy. But, here’s what you need to know about him. He knows his football. He’s very familiar with the Ravens. He’s not afraid to speak his mind. And, he’s located somewhere east of the Mississippi River and north of the equator. Someday, I expect him to teach the Force to a young, orphaned padawan.
I didn’t even need to ask him directed questions. He just broke down the Ravens without me guiding him. That’s how he rolls.
Without further adieu, I give you P. Fizzle’s breakdown of the Ravens:
- Love and hate relationship with Flacco. Most either openly hate him or are quiet about it until you really press them on it. I think he’s an above average QB. They’ve had Dilfer, McNair, Redman, Boller, etc so they should STFU.
- The running game disappears during the greater part of some games or during spurts in a game. It’s what got Cameron canned. However, Caldwell does his best Cameron impression from time to time as evidenced by his 1-2 running plays in the entire 2nd half against the Bills last week. Rice has been injured most of the year so Pierce has been playing more. Even with Rice 100% they’ll still abandon the run. I’d bet $100 they abandon the run for a long period against GB.
- Torrey Smith is developing into a good/great WR. He’s more than just the deep threat he used to be. (And he’s LIGHT YEARS better than the other UM WR alum, Heyward-Bey…F*CK YOU RAIDERS). Marlon Brown, 6’5″ WR out of UGA, seems to be doing really well and becoming more of a part of the O.
- I’ve heard their TEs are trash this year. Dickson drops too many balls. Their #1, Pitta, is out for the year. Not sure if Dallas Clark is still on the roster but he sucked goat balls.
- McKinnie should get cut because he’s a thug dickhead and the team couldn’t take it anymore (see Jacoby Jones and the stripper bus). Traded for Eugene Monroe who apparently sucks too. GB might destroy the left side of the line.
- I like Yanda because he’s a tough as shit OL. He also has red hair which means he’s a badass lady-killer.
- I really don’t know much about the D this year other than Upshaw and Cody continue to disappoint. One of their starting S is rookie Matt Elam from UF. He was a heavy hitter at UF but not sure if he does the same for Balt. Ngata = badass. Dumervil and Suggs = badass pass rushing. Daryl Smith, Ray’s replacement, = guy who I once played with in Madden and I haven’t played Madden in 10+ years.
- The K, Tucker, was money last year. I think he’s had issues this year.
- Chicken-legged Jacoby Jones got destroyed by one of his teammates on a PR catch this year and has been out for 1 or 2 games. Not sure if he’s playing against GB. He doesn’t seem to anything on O other than occasionally catch a deep ball. Guy has SPEED though. Straight line sped. Hip-swiveability sucks and I’d bet he did poorly in the cone drills.
- Overall, the Ravens are a weird team. They’re like a roller coaster. They’ll dominate a good team and then lose to a shitty team. I guess that’s the NFL though. They never seem to be “dominant” or “shitty” over the course of an entire season. They’ll have games where the score 35+ and then some in which they’ll score <10.
- Word to your mother.
And, there you have it. Join me in thanking our good friend, P. Fizzle.