nfl-crystalball Once again the call has been made to gather the great Pocket Doppler Prognosticators to try to outsmart, outwit and outsnark each other. But let’s face it, it’s not as  simple as calling, “Avengers Assemble!” More like herding cats if you ask me. This year yet another Founding Father weenied out retired. This year’s crack team of suckers experts will include Founding Father Wally, Angels Colleen and Kelly, Favored  King of Procrastination Stepson Rich and the relatively new spanks Thaddeus and Jay.

The Score:
Wally: 12
Colleen: 11
Kelly: 9
Rich:9
Jay:11
Thaddeus:8
 

Wally:

Detroit at Green Bay – Putting aside the futility of the Lions in the past
couple decades against the Packers, they always seem to play tough against
Green Bay. Never tough enough but it’s almost always a good game.  Had
Finley & Matthews still been out for this game I’d have some concerns but
coming off of the bye, at home the Packers win this one.

Kansas City at Tennessee – You know, you have to feel pretty good for Andy
Reid here.  Time had run out for Reid in Philly so he goes to KC which is
hardly anyone’s idea of a great job but yet he has them winning.  I see that
winning continuing tomorrow against the Titans.

Houston at San Francisco – San Fran seems to have righted the ship after a
couple of not so great showings but I’m thinking their little streak hits a
snag as the Texans visit the Bay.  I expect JJ Watt to put Kaepernick on the
ground at least three times.

New York Jets at Atlanta – Why are they even playing this game?  Atlanta
wins, not even a question.

Wally’s Picks: Green Bay, Kansas City, Houston & Atlanta

Colleen:

Detroit at Green Bay – Since I am lucky enough to go to this game quite unexpectedly (hashtag friendship as we say on the Tweeter), Green Bay shall not, can not, WILL NOT lose.  They only puke on my shoes when I watch them play the Giants in the playoffs.  Will be listening to Kelly compose her Post Mortem and laughing the whole game.

Kansas City at Tennessee- I benched Colin Kaepernick for Alex Smith this week in fantasy football.  You heard me.  And it’s not on DCGB so Chang can’t pillory me for a brutal benching.  KC is the real deal this year.  Book it.  Some of the Packers’ brain drain is actually functional, unlike the idiots in Oakland that demoted Matt Flynn to 3rd string.  The ‘Chefs’ will win.
Houston at San Francisco – Previous prediction aside, San Francisco is going to systematically destroy Houston.  Niners by a ton.
New York Jets at Atlanta – Ha. Hahahahahahhahahahahahahhaha.  Meteor.  Kill.  Kill. Kill.  Yeah, the Jets pretty much blow.  And they don’t even have hookers to go with it.
Colleen’s picks: Green Bay,  San Francisco, Kansas City, Atlanta.
Kelly:
Detroit at Green Bay – No, last time I checked the sky is not falling, Aaron Rodgers is not degrading like Matt Schaub seems to be, Clay Matthews may or may not be healthy, and Jim Schwartz is still the Lion’s undisciplined head coach. Yes, the Lions are looking good this season. But they are undisciplined, and you know Suh will be gunning for Rodgers’ head. A couple of dirty plays, and they will degrade into the cheap $10 whore of a team we all know they are. Packers (and that pesky QB who scored me NO POINTS in fantasy football two weeks ago) have something to prove. Green Bay will rise like a phoenix from the ashes.
Kansas City at Tennessee – Wow, Andy Reid can lead a team that does not suck. Then again, he now has a talented QB. But Tennessee is proving to be the real deal as well this year. Looks to be a fascinating match-up this week. Tie goes to the home field advantage.
Houston at San Francisco – I want to like Houston and, well I hate Harbaugh and his little puke of a QB with pubes on his chin. But Schaub has turned into this stinky stank QB on par with Romo. Did Schaub throw a pick yet? Wait, he threw three, and it’ only the second quarter. Sigh.
New York Jets at Atlanta -  Dear NFL, why do you insist on putting crap teams on MNF ever week? Seriously, why? Because you don’t want people to watch? Jets are imploding, Rex will get canned. Atlanta wins by default.
Kelly’s picks: Green Bay, Tennessee, San Francisco, Atlanta
Jay:
Detroit at Green Bay – Detroit beats Green Bay.  Yep, I said it.  Flog me all you want.  But, no more need to dwell on this pick.  The Lions are the better team at the moment.

Kansas City at Tennessee – Kansas City beats Tennessee.  While Tennessee is quietly putting together a pretty solid campaign, the makeover Chefs are cooking up something good in KC (see what I did there).  Alex Smith is playing some good ball and Andy Reid has always been a fantastic coach.
Houston at San Francisco – San Francisco beats Houston.  After a loss to Seattle, the air may have come out of Houston’s hopes.  That was a tough emotional loss, and it’ll be difficult for the Texans to get up for this game, especially in San Francisco.  You know the 49ers are stout against the run, so Arian Foster will be bottled up all day.  So, that means the game will rest in the hands of Matt “Pick 6″ Schaub.  Look for more of his jerseys to be burned after the game.
New York Jets at Atlanta – Atlanta beats the NY Jets.  C’mon, it’s the freaking Jets.  They hold a monopoly on butt fumbles.  They are the only team to not only have a single butt fumble, but now are the proud owners of a second one.  Some records will never be broken, and the butt fumble record will live on forever in New Jersey (yes, the Jets don’t even play in New York).
Jay’s picks: Detroit, Kansas City, San Francisco, Atlanta.
Rich and Thaddeus:
…were abducted by aliens. if they get their picks to me I’ll include them in the record and actually grant points because unlike some fantasy football commissioners, I’m actually nice. Suck a truck, Jay and Chang.

 

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