From the Far Hash: Swinging the Cactus Edition
Have you ever been so pissed off that you start swinging a cactus? There’s a longstanding internet meme asking this very question. It may or may not be in bad taste, so only click the link if you have a good sense of humor. I am using it clearly as hyperbole to express my disappointment in the game.
It’s a fair question, because I sure am.
I don’t take losing very well. I hate it. In fact, if arson wasn’t a crime, I’d probably be out torching some porch couches, which are quite common down here in the south land. (Again, hyperbole. I don’t endorse arson).
The Packers fought gallantly, but the loss still angers me. Let’s take a look at the specifics that make me want to swing a cactus tonight:
- Injuries in the secondary aside, Dom Capers’ pass coverage reminds me of that really disturbing scene in the movie Deliverance.
- Would someone please cover Anquan Boldin? AARP signed him to a six-year extension this off season and so did the Scooter Company. He is clocked at 8.6 in the 40-yard dash, yet he looked like Usain Bolt out there.
- The Packers’ running game can be described in one phrase: Holding, number 71 offense; 10 yard penalty, repeat first down. I’m not so pissed at Sitton’s holding as I am with the officials clearly not calling it both ways. Johnny Jolly can be thrown to the ground and Clay Matthews can get ankle tackled, but that’s okay? Do the 49ers have the best offensive line in football because they hold all the time without penalty? I counted at least 10 holds the 49ers should have been flagged for.
- The officials also screwed up massively on the offsetting personal foul penalties. I think those 4 points would have made a big difference at the end of the game.
- Speaking of officials one last time, in the end zone, Randall Cobb caught the guy who caught the ball. How was that not a touchdown? There is a legal precedent on that kind of thing. Remember Golden Tate? I’d love to see the NFL explain that one.
- How does offensive line coach James Campen still have a job? On the last play of the game, a three-man rush gets home and hits Rodgers. Inexcusable.
- Hey, Jermichael Finley, this is football and not basketball. You don’t get an assist for a one-touch, no-look pass.
- Eddie Lacy, hang onto the ball in negative field position. He clearly had fast food grease on his fingers.
- Hey, Jeremy Ross, sometimes taking a knee in the end zone is the only option.
- Jim Harbaugh in general takes a few years off my life due to my elevated blood pressure. He whines more than a three year old who didn’t get the toy he wanted during his last trip to the mall.
- Don’t get me started on Joe Buck and Troy Aikman. They make me wish I had Telemundo in my cable package.
With all that said, this is only week one. I hope next week is the happy puppies and kittens edition. I don’t want to swing too many cacti this season.