Championship-Caliber “Humblebrags” (Take Two)
A few summers back, I posted the best athlete “Humblebrags” of 2011 originating from the Twitter account of the same name. While professional athletes may ‘put their pants on the same way we do’, they want to ensure we common folk understand the lives they lead are far from ordinary. They love to not-so-subtly point out how lussurious they’ve got it. That’s cool, if you’re into faux-humility, ceiling mirrors and full-blown entitlement.
At the time of the original post, Harris Wittels (creator of the Humblebrag phenomenon) had upwards of 90,000 followers on Twitter. Today, his account has more than 260,000 loyal readers. Additionally, the Parks & Recreation writer and producer has published a book dedicated to exploring the The Art of False Modesty. Don’t be fooled into thinking otherwise…it is an art!
Ted Thompson bashing free agent frenzy underway, Rickie Weeks K-fest Opening Day on the horizon, the Badgers ultimately disappointing everyone March Madness within reach, and Pope Francis I breaking Twitter, the sports blogosphere has plenty to keep it busy. That said, there is always room for easy reading. So, take a moment to step away from MLB scouting reports and ProFootballTalk and bask in the art form that has brought us characters like White Goodman. Here are the best athlete-humblebrags of 2012.
“Just picked up my new Davis Acura. It’s very humbling to have such a nice car. I’m so grateful to them and all of you fans in Philly.” – Philadelphia Phillies outfielder and apparent son to an outdoorsman, Hunter Pence
Thomas isn’t exactly an athlete, but this is worthy of recognition…if only for the imagery of Tiger Woods “hopping off” of a golf cart, folding Mr. Bonk in a warm embrace, and uttering the phrase “numbnuts” in jest.
“I just realized muscles & golf don’t mesh #keepingmydayjob” – former NFLer, Shawne Merriman.
Nor do needles and the law, Shawn.
“#1 again without touching a golf club this week…. I wish it was that easy!” – Rory Mcilroy
Seems young to have been in Caddyshack, but surgeons can do wonders these days.
“Wow…I just signed my first couple autographs. Weird. Used to seeing Dad do that. #blessed” – Notre Dame WR, Corey Robinson
“1 of my fears is that my children’s privileged life won’t allow them to feel the same triumphs I’ve felt. And I wasn’t poor. Hmmm.” – NBA star and noted Canadian, Steve Nash
Nash is a repeat-offender, as he preceded the above gem with this from 2011: “That’s weird……I just got an email from Kanye West.”
I’mma let it go, Steve, because you one of the best Humblebraggsters of all-time. Chuch.
“Way too much of my life is spent on airplanes. #lifeofaproathlete” – U.S. Women’s Soccer Olympian, Alex Morgan
“I try to sign autographs as much as i can but shoving stuff in my face, 10min till midnite, blocking the entrance to hotel <<< come on now” Colorado Rockies infielder, Eric Young Jr.
“Tangential playoff travel note: Hotels with low-def TV in rooms shouldn’t call themselves 4-star. Like this one, for instance.” – Memphis Grizzlies VP of Operations, John “Buddy” Hollinger
[Note to self: Never preface any sort of complaint with “tangential” when complaining about luxury to avoid coming off as an obnoxious blowhard.]
“So I guess Snoop Dogg was wearing my jersey at his concert last night. That’s pretty sweet. Must’ve been sold out of @ebs_14 jerseys!” – NHL star(?), Taylor Hall
“Had alot going on these past few weeks and even more these next two…next offseason im taking some down time this wayyyy to much to handle” – St. Louis Rams WR, Austin Pettis
Can you imagine how rough it must be for someone who actually contributes?!
“Want to be an olympian? Takes hard work, attention to detail and organisation…. pic.twitter.com/gOq6VFTY” Olympic Cyclist (Great Britain), Ed Clancy
I don’t want to be an Olympian, Ed. I want to become Cam Newton’s mom’s favorite player.
“Remind me not to stay out til 2am w/ @kidrock again. Hurtin’ for certain today.” – Nobody, Lance Armstrong
“Well done @serenawilliams , what a gutsy comeback in the third sett,you are catching me and Chris , and I don’t like it:)” – All-time Tennis great, Martina Navratilova
Not an athlete, but quite possibly the best of 2012:
“Wrote in my journal about the honesty of a broken heart. My words moved me. Strange feeling.” – Poet or something, Benjamin Fulfer (@benfulfer)
“it was right around this date in November when I was 27 years old that i remember looking at a 0 dollar bank balance at the ATM…”
Outside of Shark Tank, I can’t hate on “The Cubes.”
“Your too pretty to fight” …I beg to differ #ThingsIGetAlot” – MMA fighter, Miesha Tate
I’m not going to call out Tate’s grammatical errors for fear of being choked out.
There you have it, the best-ish athlete Humblebrags of 2012. Wittels appears to be taking an extended break from Twitter, but there is plenty to keep us going until his return…plenty to remind us of how puny and insignificant we are in comparison to a banished cyclist, NBA owner who should have been in “BIG”, or retired NFL star who copped to injecting HGH. That, or how fantastically unaware celebrities are of modern day media. Today, high profiles can barely glare in the wrong direction without TMZ running a cover story on that frozen moment in time. Sickening, sure, but it certainly breaks up the monotony of mid-week work-lag.
Until next time, friends.