Pocket Doppler Prognosticators – Week 5
Each week last season, the 3 Founding Fathers of Pocket Doppler (Wally, BigSnakeMan & Chris Richards), Senior Angel Colleen and favored stepson Rich would square off in picking the winner of the Packers, Sunday night & MNF games in an attempt to prove their football acumen and entertain. We’re going to make another valiant attempt at it this year. Unfortunately Chris had to bow out for this season (or happily escaped, take your pick) so Angel Kelly has joined the team. Like always, we’ll keep a running tally throughout the season.
Welcome to this week’s edition of the Pocket Doppler Prognosticators. Entering into Week 5 the current standings are:
Out of the fog inducing Throwback Weekend activities, another week is already upon us. Things have gotten interesting already. Colleen’s risky (and vomit inducing) pick of the Bears paid off, so she now ties for the lead along with BigSnakeMan and Kelly. Wally is close behind and Rich makes up the basement. Whole lot of season left, of course. Let’s see what this week brings.
Packers @ Colts – It’s becoming increasingly apparent that nothing is going to come easily for the Packers this season. And, just as obviously, they won’t be able to count on any ‘help’ from the officials, replacement or otherwise. The offense finally showed signs of life last week, albeit against the league’s worst defense. So, naturally, the Packers defense took a step back as the Saints repeatedly found holes in the middle of Green Bay’s zone. Fortunately for the Packers, they get to ease into an extended road stretch with a trip to Indianapolis this week. While the Colts successfully sucked for (top draft pick Andrew) Luck, they still don’t have enough of a team around him to make a difference. Being the Packers, this will be a closer game than it should be but they should prevail in the end.
Chargers @ Saints - New Orleans continues to look for its first win on the season after coming up short in Green Bay last week. Seems the Saints have sought league permission for suspended head coach Sean Payton to be allowed to attend this game so he can witness QB Drew Brees possibly breaking John Unitas’ record for consecutive games with a touchdown pass. San Diego has been better so far than expected, but New Orleans has to win a game at some point, don’t they? Maybe the mere presence of Payton will be enough to shock them into some form of competence.
Texans @ Jets – This is a game that Yahoo Sports Radio’s Steve Czaban would characterize as a classic “Run to the Smell” contest; the type of game where so many signs point to one team winning that the football gods are compelled to turn things upside down in order to discourage those of us who are foolish enough to think we know what we’re talking about. But so far this year, Houston has been so solid and the Jets have been so (football) god-awful bad, that I can’t conceive of any scenario under which New York actually wins this game. Oh, and I almost forgot, the Jets are still (for now) coached by Rex Ryan. ‘Nuff said.
BigSnakeMan’s Picks: Packers, Saints, & Texans
Packers @ Colts – We finally got to see the Packers offense perform as we all anticipated going in to this season. Had it not been for a poke in the eye & the ineptitude of Graham Harrell we would have even seen more points on the board. As for the defense…the Saints, at least offensively, are better than their record shows so I’m not entirely surprised in them from last week, perhaps just disappointed. Headed to Indy this week for the first of a three game road trip I’m expecting a blowout. Yep, I’m calling a blowout, why not. I think Clay will be in Andrew Luck’s grill all day & even without Greg Jennings the offense will put up points in the 30′s & hold the Colts in the teens.
Chargers @ Saints – As I said above, the Saints had a good offensive showing against the Packers & I think this will be the week they get in the W column. The Chargers won last weekend due to the turnovers/gifts they got from the Cardinals & I don’t think the Saints will be as careless with the rock. Throw in it’s a home game of the Saints, it all equals a win for them.
Texans @ Jets – TEBOW! TEBOW! I really, really want to see Tebow installed as the Jets’ QB this week after that debacle last weekend. It’s not because I think he’s better than Sanchez, it’s because I want to see the Texans defense just crush him. Houston just seems like the most balanced team in the NFL right now & I expect them to outpace the Jets on offense & punish them on defense.
Wally’s Picks: Packers, Saints & Texans
Packers @ Colts: First of all, after the tragic news about Coach Chuck Pagano’s recent diagnosis of leukemia, I’m no longer ready to write the Colts of as nothing more than Andrew Luck and his band of Hapless Men. They are now officially trying to Win One for the Gipper. Yes, they have the same record as the Packers, but they do not have the same depth of talent. So I take it back, it is Andrew Luck and a box of Ding-dongs. That said, the Packers always have this knack of playing down to a lesser team in a Trap Game. Packers can’t get cocky or they will be looking at a 2-3 start and the merchants of doom will be out in force. At the end of the day, the Packers are refocused after last week. They are hungry to win. Let’s just hope they not only get the W but escape without any injuries either.
Chargers @ Saints: Saints are due for a win, but I can’t stomach the thought of Drew Brees gloating about anything. He is a weasel who sold a so-called friend whose name rhymes with Sharon Dodgers out and had
no problem with his colleagues putting a price on said unnamed player’s head. The Saints are good, but they are still a bit of a hot mess. Meanwhile the Chargers aren’t as good as their record shows.
Both teams think way to highly of themselves, but after all is said and done, the Saints fans are going to be searching for those Aint’s paper bags once again.
Texans @ Jets: Hey, Rex, did you ever read Dante’s Inferno? Do you know what is written on the entrance to hell? “Abandon All Hope All Ye Who Enter Here.” Yeah, food for thought. The Jets are screwed. Maybe they should just run the table from here on out and draft a real QB in the first pick of the 2013 draft. They have no targets. Holmes just
went on IR. But I hear Tori Gurley is available! Seriously, they are in a tailspin and are about to take on one heck of a terrifying defense. Abandon hope, Rex. It’s over for you.
Kelly’s Picks: Packers, Chargers & Texans
Packers @ Colts – This game won’t be half as much fun to watch as last week’s. For one thing, I won’t have Doc Kelly beside me predicting a fake punt RIGHT BEFORE IT HAPPENS. I mean, seriously. That woman should be on TV as an analyst. I will, however, be watching this week with antici…pation, because I expect the Packers to put on a clinic. I wish it was a clinic to cure Chuck Pagano, because I am incredibly tired of wonderful men having leukemia. Cancer. Whatever. It sucks. At any rate, the Packers are going to take this.
Chargers @ Saints – Well now, this is another interesting one. I dislike the Saints with an intensity reserved formerly for the Bears. Watching Drew Brees trudge off the field last week with a loss made me believe that sometimes people do get exactly what they deserve, a thought that warmed my heart. Of course, the Chargers have their own diva in Philip ‘I’m always right’ Rivers. Bill Johnson said it best, the Saints are getting one on the win column this weekend. Unfortunately.
Texans @ Jets – Stephen A. Smith won my heart this week. You’re right, Kaepernick is a better Tebow than Tebow. I’m glad he’s not on the Jets though. I share BigSnakeMan’s legendary disregard for Sexy Rexy Ryan. The Jets might seem like a hot mess, but calling them that is an insult to hot messes everywhere. The Texans look like they are pretty strong this year and I don’t think that Rexy is going to be a happy man at the end of this game. Well, pretty much every game this year, but that one in particular.
Colleen’s Picks: Packers, Saints & Texans
Packers @ Colts: Lil Flip – Game Over
Knee jerk reaction #1: Mike Silver for president! Editor’s note: Having been lucky enough to meet Mr. Silver last weekend, I would echo this sentiment.
Chargers @ Saints: How is New Orleans 0-4? How? I mean, perhaps Green Bay is not nearly as good as we’d like to think they are. That’s fine. But, the Saints got walloped by Kansas City, who by all account is just awful. Yet, they take the Packers (a supposed Superbowl contender) to the brink. I don’t understand how this team, with so much fire power and Drew Brees at the helm, can be this putrid. They aren’t the Lions from a couple years ago—that much is clear, meaning they are going to win eventually. It starts this week at home.
Knee jerk reaction #2: As Jason Whitlock would say, Roger Goodell is cackling and rolling a blunt right now.
Texans @ Jets: When Tebow inevitably takes over as QB, how long until the chants of “McElroy! McElroy! McElroy!” begin? (See Youtube clip above)
Knee jerk reaction #3: “If Jets owner wants Tebow to start for publicity and buzz, I have a problem. But if he wants to turn around the season, I’m good with it.” -Skip Bayless
Rich’s picks: Packers, Saints, Texans