CHICKS DIG SCARS: DWTS WEEK 9: The Semi Finals!
It’s Semi-Final Week and we’re down to the Final Four, and look who made the trip and is sitting in the Ballroom! Mike McCarthy, Aaron Rodgers, Clay Matthews, Edgar Bennett….so much for all you males who are too cool for school and refuse to watch this show. And before ABC gets any ideas, don’t ask Aaron to be on DWTS. I’d love to see him in a tux once in awhile, but that boy has a serious case of White Man’s Disease. (Forward to the 0:43 mark for evidence of this lack of dance floor swag). Still not convinced? Try the 3:08 mark of this video. Aaron Rodgers is totally Caucasian.
I can honestly say that for ONCE, the best four dancers of the season rightfully made the Final Four. I think the “dance offs” helped that along. Usually, there is a controversial craptastic pair that sneaks through at the expense of a better dancer with a smaller fanbase, but the dance offs seem to have worked to keep that from happening this time. That said, I really didn’t care for them, and I know it was added stress on the contestants to learn another dance on Monday, just in case, they were in the bottom two that night. Also may explain the fact that there are more injuries being talked about this year to the celebrities AND the professional dancers. Added dances. Added performances. Added pressure. More injuries.
Dear NFL….still want an 18 game season? Better expand your rosters, then.
Dance #1: The Ballroom Round
William and Cheryl (Tango) 28/30: It was good. It wasn’t perfect and surprisingly, Carrie Ann and Len had some criticism. But, not surprising, Bruno gave him a 10. His Woody for Willy knows no bounds.
Katherine and Mark (Quickstep) 29/30: Really spunky and adorable, but Mark’s knee gave out in the corner. A certain pair of judges never saw it as they gushed and fawned over them, but ol’ eagle eye Len sure did, and it happened right in front of a camera, so we saw it, too.
Donald and Peta (Waltz) 28/30: Welcome to your weekly installment of “What Will It Take For Len to Give Donald a TEN?” Evidently, a white suit, beautiful white dress and some dry ice for effect didn’t quite do it. Donald and Peta’s waltz was heartfelt and flowy. I think that Quickie looks a little nervous or uptight tonight. Perhaps it’s the added fans in the Ballroom. Len’s critique included something about holding his head to the left. Uh. Okay? Really scraping the bottom of the barrel for reasons to get that “9″ paddle out, aren’t you, Old Boy?
Maria and Derek (Argentine Tango) 30/30: Oh, for God’s sake. Another almost kiss, another practice session full of tears, more mentions of injuries, and the annual drama of Derek struggling with his choreography. Seriously. He does this every season. They pulled out all the sympathy stops for those 30 points. While it was a good routine, and Argentine Tangos are always crowd pleasers, I thought Maria was a bit wobbly on landings. The perfect score was a bit generous. I’m starting to think that maybe….just maybe….the judges are going to try to force Derek into the Finals. Because, really, it’s always all about Derek.
Dance #2: The Latin Round
1. William and Cheryl ( Samba) 30/30: Wow. William shakes his ass while Cheryl dances around him! SHOCKING. Judges are blinded by his memorizing ass cheeks. All hold up “10″ paddles. I am just FLABBERGASTED and GOBSMACKED by this. Except not.
And did you know that William had the misfortune of being born “tragically handsome and forced into a career of male modeling, followed by TV stardom?” I just had to steal that one off the Internet, too. LOL. Perhaps they should start calling him the Cuban Zoolander rather than the Cuban Brad Pitt?
Just so you know that it’s NOT JUST ME, I read this on another website: “I was just waiting for the judges to rip into William after his Samba, but no, they were giving him a standing O. I was literally genuinely shocked. The butt shaking was great, and there was some nice hip action which is always great to have, but otherwise it was so lackadaisical and sloppy, and he was hiking his shoulders up to the point of total distraction. I thought for sure that would be at least mentioned, but nope.”
I guess Bruno was too busy tending to his Woody for Willy. I will say that William and Cheryl’s Samba had actual SAMBA CONTENT, though (HELLO, DEREK).
2. Katherine and Mark (Salsa) 27/30: Judges were all ready to reach for those “10′s” again when Katherine twisted her back at the end, which looked very awkward and painful. Actually, I couldn’t tell if it was pain or disappointment. Throughly bummed, the judges get out the get out the “9″ paddles, instead. It’s okay. She’ll probably still make the Finals. The routine was okay up to that point. The costume wasn’t the most flattering for poor Katherine. Still, if they hadn’t had that incident in the end, the judges would have praised them to the heavens. They want her in the Finals. If you go by judges scores, because of the errors, they’d be going home tomorrow, and believe me, the judges hated that Katherine and Mark forced them to give them “only” 9′s.
3. Donald and Peta (Samba) 29/30: Okay. Just hold the phone, right effing now. They were assigned the song, Mr. Big Stuff? While there’s nothing wrong with that song, I don’t find it appropriate AT ALL for a Latin dance. Willy gets booty shaking music, while they handicap Donald with a song that is decidedly NOT Samba? I smell something fishy, and it’s not my Labrador’s breath (although it’s pretty bad at the moment). They did a really good job with the song given, but I was really looking forward to some hip shaking, booty jiggling SAMBA to hot LATINO music. Of course, the only non-10 was Len, who has yet to reward Donald with that score. It really should have happened last week with the threesome Jive. THAT was perfection. Tonight, Donald and Peta were really good, but like I said earlier, Donald seemed tense. Maybe it was dancing in front of his coach. And his quarterback. And that long haired guy who plays on the OTHER side of the ball (I really liked you in that Avengers movie, by the way).
Another IT’S NOT JUST ME Comment from the Internet: “That’s samba music?? Really??? Am I the only one who’s wondering if they’re ever so gently throwing Donald under a bus?”
Nope. You’re not.
4. Maria and Derek (Jive) 29/30: I am exhausted by the judging on this show. This dance was cute, but it wasn’t a Jive. If Donald had danced a non-jive, like Maria and Derek did, the judges would have been all over it. If Donald had messed up, as Katherine and Mark had, in BOTH dances, the judges would have pounced. Last week, Maria and Derek were called out because Derek DID NOT choreograph the assigned dance and was making up his own version of it. He did it again tonight and got his ass kissed for it. There was a Samba Roll in that Jive. There were no “kicks and flicks,” which is an important move in any Jive. Others follow the rules and Derek gets to do any damn steps he wants, and they don’t say anything? They called him on his lack-of-actual-content Bollywood routine last week, and he did it again this week with his Faux Jive, and they didn’t say boo. Oh, and Derek, please quit with the fake kisses. Anyone who knows how to Google, can find out that she has a long term boyfriend, and if you are banging Maria behind his back while you’re supposed to be teaching her to dance, you’re an even bigger douche than you appear on TV. And that’s saying something.
Maria’s Greek Papa is awfully adorable.
Maks made some interesting comments in TV Guide this week. Like this:
“This season, there’s some creative stuff and the couples get dinged on lack on content. Then someone has zero content and gets praised. It’s no longer about ballroom and it’s about performance. Some get away with that, some don’t. Some can’t do wrong and some can’t do right. I want to reiterate that I’m not even talking about me! Take Donald: He’s had some amazing dances that have been underscored. “
The worst part about Donald not getting a “30″ tonight? If he had, Aaron Rodgers might have busted out the Championship Belt. Damn you, Len.
Will Donald go home tonight? If it was up to the judges, alone, I’d say yes. However, there are a lot of fans who think that they are indeed throwing him under a bus, while certain other pairs are getting a free ride, and that tends to galvanize a fanbase. Let’s hope it’s enough. I want to see Quickie do Freestyle next week.
I’m not going to make a prediction. Too close to call. Whatever happens tonight, Donald Driver has done himself, his family, and Packer Nation, extremely proud. We love you, Quickie!
The Donald Driver Story, as appeared on DWTS. I swear there must be dust in the room every time I watch it!
You can vote for Donald and Peta every Monday during the show and for ONE HOUR after the show ends, by texting “VOTE” to 3403 (AT&T customers), calling 1-800-868-3403 to vote by phone, or go to ABC.com and vote online from the start of Monday’s show until 11AM ET on Tuesday . I will add an update after tonight’s results show!
They waited until the last effing minute, but Donald and Peta ARE SAFE and will dance in the FINALS! Way to go, PACKER NATION!!!!!!
ONE. MORE. WEEK. VOTE! VOTE! VOTE!
Going Home: Maria and Derek.
FINAL THREE: Donald and Peta, William and Cheryl, Katherine and Mark