Yes. Threesomes.

Bruno Tonioli: “It so hard keeping in sync in a threesome.”

Carrie Ann Inaba: “I loved your threeway, you never missed a step.”

Now that I have your attention….

 

 

1. Donald and Peta (Tango) 27/30: If they hadn’t gone first, there would have been at least one 10 in there. That’s why the first spot is the “SPOT OF DOOM.” Len was positively giddy. During the dance, Donald’s face look like it was the fourth quarter of the Super Bowl, as the Steelers were driving.  He was a mask of intensity. We didn’t see the trademark grin until the dance was over. He was totally in character. And the suit was HOT.

Have you noticed that every couple has been shown in full meltdown mode at one time or another, except Donald? If he gets frustrated, it’s never directed towards Peta ( hello, Derek, Maks, and Jaleel ).  He looks at the ceiling and grimaces, maybe makes a noise of frustration, but it’s always directed toward himself, and then it’s back to grinning and dancing.  I also think this is why athletes do so well on this show. They are not only used to putting in hours of physical practice, but they’ve been in situations that are much more nerve wracking and pressure filled than a dance show! Donald Driver, Hines Ward, Jerry Rice, Warren Sapp, and Emmitt Smith have all placed high on their seasons of DWTS, and all have been in the Super Bowl .  Shawn Johnson, Kristi Yamaguchi, Apolo Anton Ohno, and Evan Lysacek have all won gold medals in the Olympics ! Losing their cool over a dance show isn’t in their wheelhouse.

2. Maria and Derek (Viennese Waltz) 28/30:   Maria looked lovely and it was a beautiful dance, but it seemed kind of SAFE. Oh, and Maria? There’s no crying for “10″ paddles!! Put the tears away. Oh look at that, the tears worked on Carrie Ann and Bruno. Shocking. Len gave them an 8. At least he’s thinking clearly. Derek was a shitheel in the practice footage for the second week in a row, but at least he apologized for it when they went live. Looked a little sheepish, too. Good on Brooke for not letting him off the hook and making him explain himself.  She would do the same thing to Maks, minutes later. Surprising, since Derek was Brooke’s former partner when she won her season of DWTS.

3. Melissa and Maks (Fox Trot)  24/30:  Wow. Maks is having a practice session meltdown.  He must have stolen Derek’s douchebag pills from last week. It’s a good thing he’s hot, because that was pretty disrespectful. Melissa did better this week. She’s still the low person on the totem pole, and she probably should have gone last week based on performance. But, she wasn’t atrocious this week. And her dress was HOT. I’m a sucker for a jungle print. Melissa has a huge voting block, evidently. Even though she’s probably the worst dancer left, don’t be surprised if her fans keep her in the competition and two couples that should stay, end up going home.

Interesting  article from the Today show this morning . Maks also had to swallow some “I’m sorry” pills after his practice session temper tantrum and made some interesting comments. Especially this:

“I was told a couple of times this season and past seasons – I’m not going to say who or when – but I was told that, ‘Listen, you’ve got to relax. You have a participant. You don’t have a winner. You don’t have someone that’s going to go far,’ ” Maks revealed to reporters. 

I always suspected that the producers manipulate the judging and the outcomes, and also assign certain pros with dancers that will get them farther in the competition due to their popularity ( Derek, Mark, Cheryl ) while screwing others and giving them “participants” who have no chance to win. Tony Dovolani immediately springs to mind. He’s a great guy, but he’s not a flashy camera hog like the aformentioned Derek or Mark. Thus, he gets stuck with partners like Kate Gosselin, Martina Navratilova and Wendy Williams, who they know will never win. Thanks for confirming that, Maks.

Hell, after getting partnered with Kate Gosselin a couple years ago, the producers OWE Tony a ringer!

4. Katherine and Mark (Viennese Waltz) 26/30:  Holy crap. They weren’t perfect! A very pretty waltz ( as if you expected any less ), but a few missteps forced the judges to withhold the drool bibs for a week. I also agreed with Len that the “swing move” at the end was a bit awkward. It didn’t “flow” like the rest of the dance and seemed to be a bit of the throw-in.  Still another strong outing for Katherine and Mark. The “8″ was a bit surprising. Mark didn’t look happy.

5. Roshon and Chelsie (Foxtrot )  29/30:  Wow. Roshon isn’t bouncing off the walls! And his two grannies are in the audience. Awwww.  Roshon’s Foxtrot was cute and probably one of his best dances, but I didn’t see the “10′s” in this. Nines, yes. But 10′s? The judges were pandering to the Grannies. Roshon brought out the big guns when he sat the Grannies in the front row. How could the judges possibly say no to them?

6. William and Cheryl  (Foxtrot) 30/30: I’m not sure why William gets to dance LAST all the time. Oh wait. I know exactly why. Eyeroll .

I would enjoy this guy so much more were he not being PIMPED TO THE HILT . This was a very nice dance, but it  wasn’t  10-worthy. Cheryl’s choreography this year basically consists of dry humping. You’d think that after eight weeks, I’d be used to it. Plus, he ain’t going anywhere. The producers have him in the Finals with a bullet. He could walk out, scratch his balls and he’d still get the scores.

 

THREESOME DANCES

 

 

1. Donald, Peta, Karina (Jive) 28/30: One ten? ONE?! This dance was amazing . If he had been dancing in the pimp spot ( last position ),  he would have gotten a 30. It’s part of dancing first, unfortunately. Donald kept up with both ladies, which is difficult for an amateur, especially when one of them is Karina, who is a Tasmanian Devil on the dance floor when it comes to the Jive. Good call picking her, Peta! Amazing speed, and a leap by Donald, over the heads of both women. I guarantee some people at 1265 Lombardi Avenue held their collective breaths when he did THAT.  

“There goes the groin……ohhhhhh.”

That said, I was beyond annoyed on Donald’s behalf. He was the only male celebrity who had the BALLS to lead not one, but two strong women in the trio. The other two male celebs took the easy way out by dancing with their female pro partner and another man, so that the woman pro partner was the focal point of the dance.  But, Donald was strong enough to be the focal point, and lead both women. Good on Peta for recognizing that. None of the other female pros dared to allow this scenario. Peta knew that he could handle it, and not only that, she knew he could handle Karina, who is probably the most skilled female pro. She’s also the most driven and her routines are always ambitious.  It’s just too bad that the judges gave more credit to Katherine for kicking a piece of material off her foot, than they did to Donald for this.

Donald and Peta were the only team to ask a female pro to join them. Everyone else went male, which to me signals that they wanted a supposedly stronger partner to make up for what they lacked. Donald was man enough to stand alone.

2. Maria, Derek, Henry (Samba) 25/30: Bollywood?  The Samba is Latin, while Bollywood is….decidedly not.  Despite my opinion of him and the way he’s given things easily by the producers, Derek really is a brilliant choreographer. And the routine was great. It just had absolutely no resemblance whatsoever to a Samba. At all. And they rightfully got crucified by the judges for it. It would have made an awesome Freestyle final routine, where there are no rules. But, until then, you have to try to follow the rules. I think Derek is so used to being the “chosen one,” that he thinks he can get away with it. Unfortunately for him, this season, there are a couple others above him on the “chosen list” for once, and he was called out on this dance.

3. Melissa, Maks, Val (Samba)  27/30: Holy Bookend of Bad Boys, Batman ( tm Mary ).  A Chmerkovskiy sammitch. Excuse me while I wipe off  the drool from my chin! Lucky Half-Pint!  She certainly seemed to enjoy, it, too, as she really let loose on this dance. No tentativeness, no jerky motions, no struggling to keep up.  And it was cool to see the two brothers dancing side by side, because their movements and styles are exactly alike. Was it as strong as Donald? No. But it was a great dance for Melissa.

But, where was the three-way Samba roll, dammit?!

4. Katherine, Mark, Tristan (Samba) 27/30: Ummm….I think Katherine and Tristan would have made an excellent paring. Just saying.  To Mark’s credit, he didn’t get territorial about Tristan teaching Katherine, either. Most of the other pros seemed a bit alpha about their space and their partners ( Peta didn’t,  either, but I was actually waiting for Cheryl and Derek to pee on their partner’s feet to mark their territory ). There was a  slight distraction as the top layer of Katherine’s costume,  that the boys had peeled off of her, got stuck to her foot for awhile as she danced. She finally managed to kick it off without missing a beat.

Apparently, per Mark’s tweet, it took 15 minutes for him and Tristan to find the key to the handcuffs… that’s kinda hot. Not quite Chmerkovskiy Sammitch levels of hot, but hot all the same.

5. Roshon, Chelsie, Sasha (Paso Doble) 27/30: They picked a guy instead of an additional woman to dance with Roshon ( see my above comments about that ). Hmmm. To me, that is taking the easy way out. Every other couple chose to have the celebrity as the single sex dancer. That makes them the focal point. By picking another male, they made Chelsie, the professional dancer, the focal point. She’s less likely to mess up. Plus, Sasha went AWOL halfway through the routine, leaving Roshon and Chelsie to dance a big part by themselves. I call foul.  But, none of this was pointed out, as the once again judges caved under the power of the Grannies, and gave them straight nines.

6. William, Cheryl, Tony (Paso Doble) 27/30 : Shocking that William also takes the easy way out. But, then again, I don’t see Cheryl sharing William with another woman. This is HER TIME to dry hump, dammit. It was nice to see Tony. Even since season 2, when he made the Finals with Stacy Kiebler, and he really hasn’t lasted long since. I think he finished 3rd or 4th with Melissa Jarrett Winokur, but that’s about it.  Tony did manage to school William on holds, but when they danced side by side, you could see that William dropped some steps a couple of times. But, it is painfully clear that the producers have a mandate, and that is to get William to the Finals, at the very least.

And that concludes Ménage-à-trois Week on DWTS!

All told, Donald and Peta ended up with 55 points, good for 3rd behind William and Cheryl (surprise, surprise) and Roshon (actually,a genuine surprise), only 2 points off the lead. Let’s hope that Packer Nation got him through!

Hard to predict this week. If we’re going on PERFORMANCE and judges scores, Melissa and Maria would be going home tonight. However, the Melissa Gilbert voting block, paired with fans of Maks and Derek, make me think it’s going to be Roshon, and someone else that doesn’t deserve to leave yet.

Dream Elimination: Melissa and Roshon

Predicted Actual Elimination: Roshon and Maria

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You can vote for Donald and Peta every Monday during the show and for ONE HOUR after the show ends by texting “VOTE” to 3403 (AT&T customers), calling 1-800-868-3403 to vote by phone, or go to  ABC.com and vote online  from the start of Monday’s show until 11AM ET on Tuesday .  I will add an update after tonight’s results show!

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DONALD AND PETA ARE SAFE! Way to vote, Packer fans!!!

Next week is the Semi-Finals. The top three couples make the Final Show and get to do the coveted Free Style (no rules…do what you want!)  No one wants to go home next week so we have to vote like this AGAIN.

Elimination: Roshon and Melissa. Melissa was the right call, even though it was her birthday. Sorry, Half Pint. But at least you got to dance with both Chmerkovskiy’s last night! I’d say you won!

FINAL FOUR: Donald, William, Katherine, and Maria. VOTE, VOTE, VOTE! 

 

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  • Colleen

    I just wonder if this DWTS isn’t going to be Donald’s personal version of the SB win…nobody thinks he can, he’s pushing against the odds…if anyone can do it, it’s Double D. He is really showing himself to be amazing to the nation, not just to us Packer fans. I’m pretty proud to share him with the country.

    • Anita

      Donald and Peta are the true UNDERDOGS, which means fan vote is CRUCIAL. I’m a little scared for them. They are the “outsiders.” Peta is the only pro left without MULTIPLE Mirror Ball trophies. Derek has won three times (with Brooke Burke, Nicole Scherzinger, and Jennifer Grey), Cheryl has won twice (with Drew Lachey and Emmitt Smith) and Mark has won twice (with Kristi Yamaguchi and Shawn Johnson). The remaining three pros are probably the three that more often than not, get the best partners, have the biggest fanbases and get the most praise from the judges, warranted or not. Peta is the newbie.

      And the three celebs left are the three that the judges clearly favor and have been overly generous to at times. All three have gotten perfect 30′s, and Donald has not, although that jive the other night SHOULD have. I know Donald has the football fans locked in, but is that enough to overcome show shenanigans? I fear it won’t be. If that final consists of Derek, Mark and Cheryl, AGAIN, I won’t even bother. I’ll be too busy with my head in the nearest toilet.