CHICKS DIG SCARS: DWTS Week Seven. Lady Gaga is Classical?
Len: (upon critiquing William and Cheryl’s Viennese Waltz): “I’m not quite in Vienna, but I’m in Austria!”
Cheryl: “That’s close, right?”
Wow. Someone wasn’t paying attention in Geography class.
1. Katherine and Mark (Rumba) 27/30: Len was right. There was no discernible RHYTHM to that dance. It was beautiful, but a Rumba, which is supposed to be sexy, should not be performed to to a piece of classical string music like Canon in D. How can you have chemistry and heat to music that makes you feel like you should be walking down the aisle or accepting a diploma? Can’t really blame Mark, the choreographer. He didn’t pick the music. But I already feel like I’m not going to make it through the show if this first dance is any indication. Oh, and Mark? Put a shirt on. It’s also not the type of music to dance shirtless to. That was distracting, and not necessarily in a good way. There’s a time and place for gratuitous skin, and Johann Pachelbel ain’t it.
2. Melissa and Maks (Argentine Tango) 21/30: Maks has a cyst on his ankle, which is quite painful. If he cannot dance, his brother Val (who was Sherri Shepherd’s partner), will stand in for him, with Maks choreographing and directing the them. Which actually means that Melissa gets both Chmerkovskiy brothers at once. I don’t know whether to be envious of her, or set her up with a good therapist.
Maks is one of my favorites, and I’m all for him lasting as long as possible each season, but Melissa just lacks grace. Last week was an improvement, but this week, she was back to being dragged around and looking like she was desperately trying to keep up. Her face also looked as if she was constantly thinking about her next move. I agreed with the judges on this. Sorry Half Pint.
3. William and Cheryl (Viennese Waltz) 27/30: Dear Idiots in the Audience. There is no screaming during Ave Maria. Shut it.
It’s nice to see that William and Cheryl were forced to wear clothing tonight, and that Cheryl wasn’t humping his leg . I guess leg humping and pole dancing is frowned upon during a waltz. But why do I always think of Rob Schneider in Grown Ups when I hear this piece of music?
It was a nice dance, but it was quite convenient for the dry ice and smoke to cover and disguise William’s footwork. I notice that Donald, doing the same dance, wasn’t afforded that luxury.
4. Roshon and Chelsie (Argentine Tango) 25/30: So, Rochon gets to dance to a song by that great classical composer, Lady Gaga. Kinda cute. But WHAT the HELL? Lady Gaga? That’s not classical. It’s not even close! Just because you covered it up with some strings doesn’t make it classical! Everyone else had true classical music that they had to slog through and the kid gets current pop disguised as a classical piece?
Roshon dances like a newborn colt runs. All leggy and cute, but he still dances like a boy among men. I think he should outlast Melissa and possibly Jaleel. I definitely think he should be gone before the remaining four, however.
5. Donald and Peta (Viennese Waltz) 27/30: Well, well. An Italian opera, you say? I just happen to be Italian, so HIGH FIVE. And because it cannot be mentioned enough, the Driver children in the audience? A-DOR-A-BLE. Christian and his little chapeau? Just want to squeeze them both.
It wasn’t perfect, but it was damn close, and Donald has obviously been working hard. It’s that athlete drive and practice ethic, which is why I think most athletes do so well on this show. Peta did a great job with this dance. A real classical piece of music with a classical dance and presentation.
And this Tweet appeared:
@Donald_Driver80 incredible performances tonight quick, u guys got hosed in the team dance. I’m pulling for u”
Oh, and then he followed up with this:
6. Maria and Derek (Paso Doble) 30/30: Wow. Derek is a spoiled brat. He’s used to having the ringer partner each season and is treating Maria like shit in the practice footage. Obviously, it was manufactured tension so that you, the viewer, would be BLOWN AWAY by the fact that Maria sucked up the abuse and came back to score a 30, but those words that Derek said to Maria were real, and so was the hurt on her face. Maria was crying when he told her to “act like a female for a change.” Wow. Douche. What if someone told him to act like a male…for a change? I liked her comeback, “I don’t have to ACT like a woman, I AM a woman!.” Derek is a massive tool.
It was a very crisp, well choreographed dance, and deserves high scores (but a perfect 30? I dunno), but I could have done without the vampire teeth on Maria. That was creepy.
7. Jaleel and Kym (Viennese Waltz) 24/30: Kym is a beautiful dancer, but it was kind of a boring dance. I think the military uniform that Jaleen was wearing was used last season by JR Martinez. A little too soon to haul it back out, now. Comparisons are inevitable, which would NOT be in Jaleel’s favor, since JR was last season’s champion.
Jaleel is one of those guys who tries too hard to be funny, but his jokes are awkward and inevitably fall flat.
Team Tango (Katherine, Maria, Roshon, Jaleel) 27/30:
Nice dance, but too much clothing. What? I think giving it a “10″ was a bit generous, and I didn’t care for Mark and Derek’s ego party in the practice footage, or calling Team Paso, “Meatheads.” I definitely don’t think it was better than Team Paso, or deserved a higher score, but I think this night was dedicated to massaging Golden Boy’s bruised ego from last week.
Team Paso (Donald, William, Melissa) 26/30:
I actually have a grudging respect for William, here. He didn’t WANT to take off his shirt. I’m thinking that all the beefcake, audience screamers and a partner treating him like a stipper pole, is starting to get to him. But, thank you for caving, because all three of you in your Chippendale outfits was quite….ummmm….ahhhh….arousing. What?! Is there any better trio to be shown shirtless than Donald, William and Maks? I think not.
And because tonight was obviously “let’s kiss Derek’s ass tonight because he acted like a petulant child last week when we were honest with him,” Team Paso gets underscored on a dance that the audience clearly preferred. I think if there was a weak part, it was Melissa, and to a degree, Maks, because he was hurting. I have a feeling if Half Pint doesn’t go home tomorrow, Val may be dancing with her next week. And did you notice that Donald and Peta were the center focal point for pretty much the whole routine?
And if you didn’t see Donald and Peta on Ellen this week, take a look!
How can you NOT like this guy? I mean, seriously.
Bottom Two: Melissa and Jaleel
Going Home: Melissa. This is the last week that the Dance Off will be used and if Melissa and Maks hit the bottom, the judges will send them packing. I actually think that Maks’ ego wants to stay, but his ankle is killing him right now. He’s in misery.
Did they also say that Gavin will be back to perform tonight? HELL, YEAH!!
You can vote for Donald and Peta every Monday during the show and for ONE HOUR after the show ends, by texting “VOTE” to 3403 (AT&T customers), calling 1-800-868-3403 to vote by phone, or go to ABC.com and vote online from the start of Monday’s show until 11AM ET on Tuesday . I will add an update after tonight’s results show!
Dial Idol has Donald and Peta trending third this week. Get to VOTING, PACKER NATION. Next week is a DOUBLE ELIMINATION, with the surviving four headed to the semi-finals! We have to get Donald through!
Donald and Peta are SAFE.
Bottom Two: Melissa’s fanbase carries her through, deserved or not. Jaleel and Roshon are in the Bottom Two.
Saved by the Judges: ROSHON. Jaleel goes home. As much as I disliked Jaleel, I had to laugh when he called Len “the old man at the grocery store who won’t give candy money to little kids.”
Next Week. DOUBLE ELIMINATION!