A Violent Femme’s View – Bracket (Mis)Management
Even I, a person truly ignorant of college basketball for the most part until this year, gets into March Madness. (Now I’m just semi-ignorant.)
How do I make my picks? I’ve done everything from school colors, to mascots, and while not anything like Kelly’s algorithm, there’s some similarities to my selection process, as you’ll see.
In the interests of telling you what NOT to do, here is how A Violent Femme completes her bracket. You’ve been warned….unless I happen to win my pool. Then you still shouldn’t do it, because it was sheet, unadulterated luck.
• Remember how to log into CBS Sports, something you only do annually. Request username and reset password, just like every year.
• Review bracket. Wonder where some places like Davidson and Murray St. are. Decide to be too lazy to go find out.
• Sigh and shake head in disgust at realizing yet again Nevada isn’t in the bracket because they have, yet again, blown their #1 conference tournament seed and lost to a lesser school. (Did I mention this has happened before?) At least this year it’s not Boise State. Shake monitor in frustration.
• Pick all the highest seeds. Wince at picking UNLV because you really, really hate them. As they say in Reno, FUNLV. A school known primarily for its Hotel Management degree is NOT a school.
• Make Gonzaga exception to picking highest seed rule, pick Zags because you really, really wanted to go to school there but your parents said they couldn’t afford it and it still gnaws at you.
• Make a few picks on the 8-9 seeds that are uneducated at best, such as Southern Miss just because the coin flipped that way.
• Pick Wisconsin, because you hope that if you pick them through far enough you’ll get to watch them play some more, since you’ve gotten to the point you know Jordan Taylor’s face as well as a member of your family’s. However, pick them to lose to Syracuse. For some reason you know this is a good move. Probably from watching the Badgers die by the 3 pointer yet again over the weekend.
• Save your bracket, only to realize that somebody named “Fab” who is NOT someone in Milli Vanilli but apparently someone important to Syracuse and thus the East bracket, is ineligible. Quickly speed back, actually remember username and new password and bump Wisconsin out even further (although they still lose to Gonzaga, because…Go Zags.)
• Choose Kentucky & North Carolina to play in the championship game because you heard on Bob & Tom that morning that having North Carolina was the way to go, and two of your finer Twitter peeps went to UK. Oh, and so did Ashley Judd, and you like her movies. Especially the ones with Morgan Freeman.
• Send money to Bracket Manager, print out Bracket and hang on office wall, being very aware that said bracket will be walled up in a frustrated ball by about March 23.
• Hope that you made good choices, realize you’re utterly wrong, and know you’ll be prepared to start at Step One in March 2013.
Good luck everyone!