CHICKS DIG SCARS: Quickie Wants a Mirror Ball!
Today, it was announced that Green Bay Packer wide receiver, philanthropist, and all around GOOD GUY, Donald Driver, will be part of the newest Dancing with the Star cast, who will make its debut on Monday, March 19, on ABC. Naturally, I was a bit excited.
Even though I love sports, I have to confess that I am, after all, a female, and thus have some female habits. I like funky purses, charge too much at Kohl’s, watch far too many train wreck television shows on TLC (have you seen the Virgin Dairies? Holy face-sucking, Batman) and am an faithful fan of Grey’s Anatomy (Patrick Dempsey? Yum). I think all these habits allow me to keep my Chick Card despite my love for most testosterone infused events shown on ESPN and FOX Sports.
Another punch on my Chick Card is the fact that I’ve watched every season of Dancing with the Stars since it debuted on American television. Shut up. It’s cheesy goodness. It’s a melty nacho cheese sauce, poured over cheesecurds, with a cheeseball on top, sundae of cheestastic goodness. Therefore, it is perfect for Wisconsin fans of all ages. Oh, and some of the male dancers on that show are damn fine. Hello, Maksim Chmerkovskiy. I mean, just the trophy alone puts it at “eleven” on the cheese-dial. Have you seen that thing? The DWTS Mirror Ball is the gaudiest, ugliest, most craptastic piece of disco madness since John Travolta’s white suit. It’s great! And grown people fight over it! That alone makes the show full of win.
And guys, please don’t fall into the trap that it is strictly a chick show. Have you seen some of the female dancers and the costumes they wear, some of which amount to nothing but dental floss with sequins sewn on? Really. And there is the occasional wardrobe malfunction, as well. Granted, last season it happened to Nancy Grace, but in Season One, it happened to Kelly Monaco, who is a former Playboy model, turned soap opera actress. (that link is for the guys) Plus, each season, there is at least one sports star, usually from the NFL, NBA or auto racing, who participates and generally does very well. Emmitt Smith, Hines Ward and Helio Castroneves are all former season champions, along with my favorite champion to date, Olympic Speed Skater, Apolo Anton Ohno. Jason Taylor, Warren Sapp and Rick Fox made it to the final show. Generally, athletes do very well. Well, except for last season. Metta World Peace (the former Ron Artest of the NBA) was the first one voted off, and it was quite deserving.
ATHLETES WHO HAVE PARTICIPATED ON DANCING WITH THE STARS
- Season One:
- Evander Holyfield. Professional boxer. Go ahead. Tell him that this show is for girls. I dare you. This guy had his ear bitten off by Mike Tyson. Go ahead and tell him this show ain’t manly. Eliminated in week 2, finishing 5th. *Season One was a summer fill-in show with only 6 participants. The following seasons were full seasons with between 12 and 16 participants.
- Season Two:
- Jerry Rice. NFL Wide Receiver, Super Bowl Champion. Made it to the final show, finishing 2nd to Drew Lachey.
- Stacy Keibler. Professional wrestler, now girlfriend of Clooney. Made it to final show, finishing 3rd to Lachey and Rice.
- Season Three:
- Emmitt Smith. NFL Running Back, Super Bowl Champion. WINNER, Season Three.
- Season Four:
- Apolo Anton Ohno. Speed skater. World Champion and Olympic Gold Medalist. Nice butt. WINNER, Season Four.
- Laila Ali. Professional boxer. Daughter of The Champ. Wife of Curtis Conway, Made it to the final show, finishing 3rd.
- Clyde Drexler. NBA All Star. Known as “Clide the Glide.” Eliminated in week 4, finishing 8th.
- Season Five:
- Helio Castroneves. Auto racing. Three time Indianapolis 500 Champion. WINNER, Season Five.
- Floyd Mayweather Jr. Professional boxer. Eliminated in week 4, finishing 9th.
- Season Six:
- Kristi Yamaguchi. Figure Skating. World Champion and Olympic Gold Medalist. WINNER. Season Six.
- Jason Taylor. NFL Defensive end/linebacker. Male model. Made it to final show, finishing 2nd behind Yamaguchi.
- Monica Seles. Professional Tennis player. Eliminated in Week 2, finishing 11th.
- Season Seven:
- Warren Sapp: NFL Defensive End, Super Bowl Champion. Made it to final show, finishing 2nd to current DWTS co-host Brooke Burke.
- Maurice Green: 100 and 200 meter Sprinter. Former World record holder. Olympic Gold Medalist. Eliminated in week 5, finishing 8th.
- Misty May Treanor: Beach Volleyball World Champion. Olympic Gold Medalist. Withdrew in Week 4 due to injury, which required surgery, finishing 10th. (and you thought this show was for wimps)
- Season Eight:
- Shawn Johnson: Gymnast. World Champion and Olympic Gold Medalist. WINNER Season Eight.
- Lawrence Taylor: NFL Defensive End, Super Bowl Champion. Bone crusher. Eliminated in week 7, finishing 7th. Once again. I dare you to tell him that this show is for chicks.
- Season Nine:
- Michael Irvin: NFL Wide Receiver, Super Bowl Champion and studio analyst. Eliminated in week 10, finishing 7th.
- Louis Vito: Snowboarder. World Champion and Olympic Team member. Eliminated in week 9, finishing 8th.
- Natalie Coughlin: Swimmer. World Champion and Olympic Gold Medalist. Eliminated in week 7, finishing 10th.
- Season Ten:
- Evan Lysacek: Figure Skating. World Champion and Olympic Gold Medalist. Made it to final show, finishing 2nd to Pussycat Doll (and person who sings/dances for a living) Nicole Scherzinger.
- Chad OchoCinco: NFL Wide Receiver and fame-ho. Eliminated with Week 8 (semi-finals), finishing 4th.
- Season Eleven:
- Kurt Warner: NFL Quarterback and Super Bowl Champion. Eliminated in week 8, finishing 5th.
- Rick Fox: NBA forward and NBA Finals Champion. Eliminated in week 7, finishing 6th.
- Season Twelve:
- Hines Ward: NFL Wide Receiver and Super Bowl Champion. WINNER. Season Twelve.
- Chris Jericho: Professional wrestler. Eliminated in week 5, finishing 7th.
- Sugar Ray Leonard: Professional boxer and Olympic Gold Medalist. Eliminated in week 3, finishing 9th.
- Season Thirteen:
- Hope Solo: Soccer player/goalkeeper for the U.S. Women’s National Team, Olympic Gold Medalist, World Cup finalist. Eliminated in week 9 (semi-finals), finishing 4th.
- Metta World Peace: The NBA forward formerly known as Ron Artest. NBA Champion. Eliminated in week 1, finishing 12th. He was the very definition of a HOT MESS on the dance floor.
- Season Fourteen (starting March 19):
- Donald Driver: NFL Wide Receiver and Super Bowl Champion.
- Martina Navratilova: Professional Tennis champion. 18 time Grand Slam winner and world #1.
Click here for the Season Fourteen complete cast on the Show’s Official Site.
The bottom line is that Driver can do very well. Wide receivers are generally the most graceful, lithe players on the field, enabling them to tap dance along the sidelines and make acrobatic catches in high pressure situations. Even though Driver is probably less known (outside Wisconsin) than Rice, Irvin, Ward or OchoCinco, he has a ready, high wattage smile and an engaging personality. Those things are in his favor in a contest like this. Half the scoring on this show is from the judges, but the other half is from viewer votes. Emmitt Smith won his season, even though Mario Lopez, who finished second, was a more seasoned dancer. Why? Power voting from football fans, especially Cowboy football fans. Therefore, Packer fans need to do their part. We know it can be done. Every year, Packer fans power vote for the Campbell’s Chunky Soup Click Cans for Hunger contest and win by such wide margins, that Campbell’s had to change the rules to give everyone else a fair shot. On DWTS, you are limited to the amount of times you can vote by phone, text and internet, so Packer fans….GET READY TO VOTE.**
Dancing with the Stars was the number one show for the past couple of seasons, finally slapping American Idol from its perch. That must mean that MEN, as well as women, are watching. It’s not going to hurt you, guys. Take one for the team. Your Man Card is safe. No one took away Holyfield’s or Taylor’s and lived to tell about it, did they? Chicks dig men who are manly enough to be secure watching a show like this with them. You may even get a little extra somethin’-somethin’ from her for doing it.
Come on. It’s more manly than watching Glee, and our own starting quarterback admitted to watching that pile of tripe!
Quickie wants a Mirror Ball!!!!!
**All this being predicated on the assumption that he can, indeed, dance! If he sucks, well, let’s just make sure he doesn’t finish dead last! But really, I can’t imagine him not being good. He simply can’t be Ron Artest-Master P-levels of stunning suckage.