Ask An Angel – Don’t Ask, We’ll Tell – The First Annual Angel Awards
The Pocket Doppler Angels group is made up of the women that contribute to PocketDoppler.com, the moniker in homage to Charlie’s Angels. Individually and combined this group is as knowledgeable about the Packers, football & sports as anyone out there. Every other week or so they’ll answer your submitted questions on the Packers, football or other topics submitted. Feel free to submit non-Packers/football questions as well. To submit your question today, click here or on Twitter, @PDAngels.
We Angels felt the need to have our own version of the NFL Honors. Ours may not name Aaron Rodgers the MVP (although we certainly would do so, if we had such an award), but we think they present an interesting perspective on everything from players’ antics to the Packers blogosphere.
And so, we present to you the first (and we hope, not only) annual Pocket Doppler Angel Awards….
The “Most Valuable Statement” Award:
Congratulations to Mr. Terrell Suggs, OLB for the Baltimore Ravens. Suggs said it all in a short interview with America’s favorite sports “analyst”. Even if he were to address the nation as a presidential candidate asking for world peace, he could not have more people on his side. Hats off to you, Mr. Suggs, for saying what was on everyone’s mind.
“Be an analyst. Don’t be a douchebag.”
The “Best Photobomb Done by a Packer not named Aaron Rodgers” Award:
Hands down the captain picture from The Tampa Bay game wins this award. You have Ryan Taylor looking like he’s about to do a jig, Donald Driver getting a hug and sometimes co-bomber, Matt Flynn waving his arms in the air – or perhaps signalling touchdown, finding anyway to join the picture.
(Photo credits: Rodgersphotobomb.com)
Honorable mention goes to the captain’s picture from the Chargers game if only for the awesome “WTF, mate?” look from DJ Williams.
The Dan Connolly “This Would Be Really Entertaining and Funny If It Wasn’t Happening To Your Team” Award:
LeGarrette Blount running for 107 yards against the Packers, although the NFL doesn’t deliniate how many yards came after hurdling Packer players.
The “You Shall Not Pass” Best Open Field Tackle Award:
This goes to two people. Half of it goes to Desmond Bishop for catching the above mentioned Blount in his arms when Blount attempted to jump over him. The other half belongs to Brad Jones for his tackle and body slam of the fan that ran onto the field during the Lions/Packers season finale.
The “Best Made for NFL Network Mini-Series” (short term players that none of us ever saw play) Award:
Nominees include offensive lineman Cecil Newton, (18 day Practice Squad member); Guard Jake Vermiglio (8 day practice squad member), and offensive lineman Paul Fenaroli (another 8 day practice squad member).
And the award goes to….Erik Walden. Remember the guy who flew all over the field sacking quarterbacks and making tackles last year? Where’d that guy go?
The “Donald Driver all-time Packers Career Receiving Yards” Award:
Donald Driver! For passing James Lofton in week 2 of the season. Quickie is tops.
The “Most Likely to Have Coach McCarthy Stomp a Cell Phone To Death and Send Its Owner to Charm School” Award:
The “Don’t Give Up Your Day Job” Award:
God (Yes, THAT God) because you obviously know both Diddley and Squat About Football. Quit telling Randall Cobb to run it out when he’s eight yards deep in the endzone. I’m guessing the other play up your sleeve is Go Long.
The “Holy Cow I’m Surprised You Weren’t Canned Immediately” Award:
Pat Lee. Enough Said.
The “Offer Still Stands to Come Clean My Garage” Award:
Brett Goode. He likes to clean, I have a disaster of a garage. So not rocket science to connect the dots.
The “Jersey Al Owes Me the Queen Mother of All Apologies” Award:
Mason Crosby. 24 FGs out of 28 attempts, 85.7% success rate for the regular season. (And he made both attempts in the post-season too.)
The “For the Love of God, Someone Give this Kid Some Winter Driving Lessons in the Lambeau Parking Lot” Award:
Alex Green. His tweets after the first real snow were hilarious. And he couldn’t figure out why everyone was passing him and honking at him. Guess that’s what happens when you go to college in an island paradise.
The “Please Oh Please Oh Please Don’t Cut Him” Award:
Donald Driver. The grand old man still has some magic left in him!
The “Go Ahead, Tell Him Sucks Because He’ll Make You Eat Your Words” Award:
Aaron Rodgers. After the loss to the Giants, he has a chip on his shoulder the side of Montana. Tell him he can’t do it and he’ll go out of his way to prove you are wrong. Fuel for the fire, and I hope that fire burns all the way to New Orleans!
The Steve Urkel “Did I do that?!” Bonehead Play of the Year Award:
Patrick Lee, DB, Green Bay Packers, New Year’s Day, 2012 vs. the Lions.
As Lee stood in the end zone to receive the kickoff, the ball bounced off his shin, back into the field of play. Lee pulled the ball back into the end zone and took a knee, thinking that he would have a touchback. The refs thought otherwise and awarded the Lions a safety. In defense of Lee, none of the Lions knew the freaking rule either, as you can see them all jog off the field and back to the sidelines, thinking that the play was over. No one touched him. Unfortunately, Lee made the mistake, so he’s the goat. Thankfully, Team Temper Tantrum couldn’t hold the 9-0 lead that they were spotted, and the Packers came back to win. Thanks for playing, Detroit. We have lovely parting gifts for you.
The James Harrison “Just Hand Roger Goodell Your Checkbook, Because You’re A Dumbass Who Lacks Self-Awareness” Award:
Ndamukong Suh, DT, Detroit Lions, Thanksgiving, 2011.
Was there any doubt after that show of idiocy on Turkey Day? Not only did he completely lose his mind during that game, but he did it on THANKSGIVING. A nationally televised game, where everyone is at home, stuffing their faces and watching the ONLY GAME BEING BROADCAST! Everyone saw it. Little old grammas in all 50 states stopped basting the bird long enough to comment about Suh’s anger management issues. Think about it. No one has passed out from food coma during the noon game. Everybody’s watching. And then he had the audacity to rationalize his actions, as if there were people outside of Detroit who would think that stomping on opposing players and purposely shoving their heads into the turf was okay, and that Evan Dietrich-Smith “deserved it.” REALLY?
The “Whoops, My Bad, Aaron” Award:
Matt Flynn, QB, Green Bay Packers (for now), New Year’s Day, 2002.
It’s been nice knowing you, Matty. Way to show up the team leader on the last day of the season. You set team records that Rodgers, Favre, Dickey and Starr hadn’t attained. You shredded a playoff team who used their first string on the last day of the season and you did it WITHOUT the Packers #1 receiver in the lineup. Brandon Marshall has now gone on record to say that he’d like to see you throw passes to him next season. How does South Beach sound? I think you know the coach.
The “He’d Look Pretty Dressed in Green and Gold” Award:
Larry Fitzgerald, WR, Arizona Cardinals.
Did you watch the Pro Bowl long enough to see Rodgers hook up with Fitz on those two TD’s? I actually drooled a little bit. Plus, he’s a good man. He’s not a spoiled, demanding, prima donna head case. And he’s got nice braids. He and Tramon would look nice together in the team photo. Yes, I also know that we could never afford him and still pay for OTHER players.
(Editors note: I would kill to have Larry Fitzgerald play for the Packers.)
The “ShutUpShutUpShutUpSHUTUPSHUTUP” Award:
Skippy Clueless, ESPN
You were thinking Ed Hochuli? Nah. I actually like hearing him thoroughly explain every penalty and new rule in excruciating detail. As long as he flexes while he does it. Skippy Clueless is a moron. He’s a shit-stirrer who says outrageously stupid things because he knows it will get him attention….which is why I’m bastardizing his name, here. I don’t want to give him hits or more attention, which is what he craves like a four year old pageant toddler craving Pixie Stix. Plus, he has a very disturbing and cringeworthy mancrush on Tim Tebow. Until the Broncos were eliminated from the playoffs, of course. Then he jumped on Tom Brady’s……uhhh, bandwagon……with such predictable force and speed that he probably gave himself whiplash. He probably slipped in a puddle of his own drool on the way over, as well.
The “Damn, my Protection Failed Again” Award:
Jay Cutler, QB, Chicago Bears.
Which was worse, the Bears offensive line, or Cutler’s choice in contraceptives? Whoops. At least babies are cuter than his linemen, but they both tend to smell like poo.
The Clifford Franklin “You-Know-This-Don’t-Look-Natural” Award:
Jermichael Finley, TE, Green Bay Packers.
You know why.
The “Brett Favre of Bloggers” Award:
Our very own BigSnakeMan, who graciously retired here , only to reappear miraculously to begin posting again on a fairly regular basis of late, after continuing to work out with some high school bloggers. He looks like a kid out there, doesn’t he? (In all seriousness, I’d much rather BSM stay unretired than ever see another Wrangler ad. Much better entertainment value.)
Honorable Mention: Alex Tallitsch
The “Howard Stern’s Got Nothing On Me Besides Looks” Award:
Dick Chang. If you haven’t checked out Dick’s Favorite Blog, you should, and not only because of his posts about a certain Fantasy Football League called DCGB.
Hypocritical Confused Packers Writer” Award:
Bob McGinn. I know, I know. You all love him. (Well, most of you.) I like Bob’s writing, but I’ve seen a distinct tendency to overexaggerate things only to write hypercritically the next week of the very things he was overhyping. Go read his articles prior to and after the Kansas City game, if you don’t believe me. Predicting an undefeated season to sounding like the season was over in about two days. He sounded like one of us, not a professionial writer. I prefer some evenhanded snarkiness in my beat writers. (Be sure to direct your complaints to @wallypingel.)
Honorable Mention:Vic Ketchman
The “Best Podcast That (He Thinks) You’re Not Listening To” Award:
Our very own Chris’ (with his buddy Dave) ‘Packers Therapy’. I like it a lot. And not just because I get the occasional shout out for being their ‘only female listener’ either. Some good stuff on that podcast. I always, always, learn something. Check it out.
The “Best Packers Radio Show Host (not named Bill Johnson)” Award:
Aaron Rodgers. As with Chris, I always learn something from Aaron. I was increasingly impressed with the level of his intelligence this year and the competitive spirit he brings to the Packers. And yes, I’ll give a nod to Jason Wilde as Best Supporting Radio Show Host for asking good questions as well. Well done, gentlemen.
The “Most Missed Blog” Award:
Ol’ Bag of Donuts. Chris Lempesis, you aren’t posting enough. Really, you aren’t posting at all. Dammit.
The “Best Damn Moment of the Playoff Game” Award:
To Jerry Kramer. Watching him walk onto Lambeau Field in a Packers jersey was an epic moment for me. I seriously teared up, screamed and shivered all at the same time. That was a truly, truly amazing moment. Now get him in the Hall of Fame.
And last, but not least:
The “Best Effort That Kept Me From Going Postal at My First Playoff Game” Award:
Donald Driver. That may have been a traveshmockery (to steal a word) of a playoff game in Lambeau that I witnessed, but I was very, very proud to be wearing #80′s jersey. I don’t want my Quickie going anywhere next year. I add my own voice to the previous Angels’ pleas for Thompson to retain our treasured Double D.
That will do it for this week’s edition of Ask An Angel. If you’d like to be part of the excitement next time, go here and submit your question or ask on Twitter, @PDAngels & give the Angels a follow .