CHICKS DIG SCARS. Week Two: A Packer Fan in Enemy Territory
Week Two and the Packers are 2-0. That sounds good no matter how you slice it. Combined with the egg that was laid by the Vikings and the Bears on Sunday, it was a good weekend, I’d say (and for me, the Fighting Irish won! Yay!). Unfortunately, losing Pro Bowl safety Nick Collins for the year tempers a lot of the enthusiasm I was feeling at the beginning of the day, but it’s not like we’ve never been in this position before. At least Nick avoids having to go to Soldier Field and have some racist asshole scream insults at him, again.
I went a little Tweetastic on Sunday. This is what happens when you live in the Bears media coverage area, and you’re stuck watching the Packer game in a sports bar with your I-Phone. I was also positioned at a stand up table in the bar area of the wings establishment with the Packer game in front of me, and four other TV’s lined up in a row next to it. So, the Bears, Vikings, Lions and Colts were all in my field of vision, and some AFC games were on the TV’s behind me. Huh…good thing I didn’t dump the Steelers defense from my fantasy team like I threatened to last week. Anyway, it made for lots of simultaneous action! It was kind of cool! It also made my phone a bit sticky (yes, we’re still discussing football). Tweeting in between BBQ wings is tricky. Wet Wipes are a must.
As I walked into the establishment wearing my pretty, pretty long sleeved green Packer t-shirt, a Bear fan with an Urlacher jersey stretched to maximum capacity over his beer gut, was standing just outside the door. He gave me the up-and-down once over and stared at my boobs. That’s right, Loser, it says “SUPER BOWL CHAMPIONS” on my northern hemisphere. Suck it. Well, not literally. I don’t let Bear fans touch the goods. I made that mistake only once, and it ended in a courtroom with support payments.
Bears: Wow. There was some serious sphincter puckering going on down in the Dome. The Bears are definitely NOT a turf team. I couldn’t really hear what was going on, because the sound of the Packer game was the one that was turned up, but I didn’t really need to. Every time I looked up, Jay Cutler’s body language told me all I needed to know. Things were NOT going well. Oh, and his offensive line was really OFFENSIVE. Note to Packer defenders, please exploit this next week. SAINTS 30, BEARS 13.
Vikings: Huh. How bad are the Buccaneers, because the Vikings seem to be winning….oh, not so fast! Oh look, Donovan McNabb is throwing balls at his receiver’s shoelaces. How the hell does he manage to only play well when he’s playing against the Packers? Down in Mississippi, a man on a lawnmower is shaking his head and saying, “Well, shit…I can do THAT.”
Lead blown. Game lost, and the Vikings are 0-2. Is Chilly back, or something? Hey, Vikings? How’s last place? Get used to it. You’re the new Lions! BUCCANEERS 24, VIKINGS 20.
Speaking of the Lions….
Lions: Ummmm. Yeah. I gotta say, the Lions scare me a little. No, a LOT. Thanksgiving Day is going to be interesting. This year’s annual turkey slaughter in Motown may actually mean something for a change. Usually, the Thanksgiving Day game meant only “pride” to the Lions and their fans. More often than not, it tended to be their only legitimate sellout and only nationally televised game for them all to get jacked up for. Not so much, now. This year’s game could mean division supremacy and playoff implications. Oh, and it’s no longer a game that anyone, including the defending Super Bowl Champions, can afford to take lightly. LIONS 48, CHIEFS 3.
Oh, the Lions may be much improved, but the Chiefs really, really suck. WOW. They must miss Charlie Weis! And I just realized that Jamaal Charles is one of my “untradeable players” in Fantasy football. Ugh.
Cowboys: Yeah, I’m including them because I saw something kind of interesting on Sunday. Last week, Tony Romo became the butt of football fan jokes once again when he pissed away the game in the final seconds. The hashtag “#quarterbacksbetterthanRomo” was trending on Twitter for five days. And I have to admit, a lot of them were funny as Hell. My Tweet-entry was: “Ari Gold’s assistant Lloyd is a #betterQBthanRomo.” You have to watch Entourage to get that joke. Lloyd is Ari’s assistant. He’s short, Asian and FABULOUS.
I guess Tony got sick of being the butt of national jokes and hearing the sports media talking heads tell him that he sucks for a week straight. Knowing how suicidal Cowboy fans get after losses, I can only IMAGINE what it was like for him to live down there for a week. Sunday, after being knocked out of the game against the San Francisco 49ers, Romo reentered the game and brought the Cowboys back. Later, it was reveled that he did so with a punctured lung. Something tells me that he wanted to shut everyone up and prove that he wasn’t a goat. Somewhere in Chicago, Jay Culter was confused by the concept. “Wait….you can come back in and PLAY while you’re hurt? Huh.”
Now that I think about it, maybe Mr. Cutler is plotting a similar form of national redemption on Sunday when he sees the Packers for the first time since the NFC Championship. You remember that game, right? If ever there was a bruised ego just screaming to prove naysayers wrong, you’d think Culter’s would be it. Coupled with the fact that he had to sit and watch his ex-fiancee cha-cha in a skimpy dress with a straight, hot male dancer on Dancin’ with the Stars on Monday night, I think you may see a douchy QB with something to prove. Plus, he knows Nick Collins is out and that Tramon Williams missed the Carolina game, and the secondary didn’t exactly shut anyone down the first two weeks. Here’s hoping Tramon is equally pissed about not playing last week and is fully healed! We need some INTs added to the Jay Culter montage!
Hey. The game is on locally! No sports bar this week! You know, there’s a dude there every week wearing a Tampa Bay jersey. It might even be an Alstott jersey. Yeah, it’s pretty freaking faded, now. Poor guy. They never show them around here. It must really suck to be a Buc fan stuck in Bear/Colt country. Heck, this year, it sucks to be a Colts fan, period! Dear Andrew Luck. Do you like flat lands, corn fields and no liquor sales on Sunday, unless you’re in a restaurant? How about no sales of cold beer in grocery stores or gas stations, EVER? Central Indiana awaits!
Jay, you know we love ya, buddy!