Pocket Doppler Prognosticators: We’re Back for Week 1 AND New & Improved
Last year, each Friday the 3 Founding Fathers of Pocket Doppler (yours truly, BigSnakeMan & Chris Richards) would square off in picking the winner of the Packers, Sunday night & MNF games in an attempt to prove their football acumen and entertain. We’re not sure either of those things happened. So this year, the Founding Fathers will be joined by two Pocket Doppler veterans: favored stepson Rich & Senior Angel Colleen (Senior because she was the first one…). Like last year, we’ll keep a running tally throughout the season.
Welcome to the first edition of the 2011 Pocket Doppler Prognosticators. This year we’ve spiced things up by adding two new prognosticators to the line up, Colleen & Rich, who we’re sure will be just the spark we needed to move this column from mundane to at least readable. So without further ado, let’s make some picks!
Big Snake Man
(Disclaimer: BSM cautions against anyone using these recommendations for any actual monetary wagers. Any attempt to do so would be fraught with peril.)
Saints @ Packers: Last season, in an effort not to jinx Green Bay, I picked against the Packers throughout the playoffs. Obviously, my taking one for the team paid off in Green Bay’s 13th World Championship (I never get tired of hearing that and can’t wait to hear it again tonight during team introductions). But that ends now as I’m going to call ‘em as I see ‘em….at least during the regular season. So that means I’m picking the Packers to open their title defense with an opening night victory over New Orleans. It wouldn’t shock me to see the Saints win (and would probably help me as Marques Colston is on my fantasy team) but the football gods wouldn’t dare put a damper on the evening with a loss by the home team. BSM’S Pick: PACKERS
Cowboys @ Jets: It’s tough to pick games like this early in the season when I haven’t the chance to see any of these teams under live fire. I mean, Jets coach Rex Ryan has barely even had any time to say something really stupid or obnoxious yet. I would love to stand on principle here and pick against Ryan’s rogue’s and, if this game were being played in Dallas, might actually have done so. But I suspect that, as usual, Dallas is being oversold and I can’t see them defeating New York on the road. So, I’m afraid this one will belong to the J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets! BSM’S Pick: JETS (in case anyone couldn’t figure that out)
Patriots @ Dolphins: If memory serves, the Dolphins were 1-7 at home last year and that was in a year when some people thought they might actually be a playoff contender. No one should be under any such illusions this season. I’m not even sure who’s starting for the Dolphins at quarterback but I’m reasonably certain it’s not one that’s any good. Meanwhile, “genius” Patriot head coach Bill Belicheck seems to be turning New England into the NFL’s home for wayward boys. I predict that they’ll get at least a serviceable season out of wide receiver Chad (Johnson) Ochocinco but if Belicheck can rehab DT Albert Haynesworth’s football reputation, he should be in line for a coach of the year trophy. BSM’S Pick: PATRIOTS
Saints @ Packers: Seems like just a week ago we were watching the Badgers open up the 2011 College Football Season. That’s most likely because it was a week ago, it’s amazing how astute I can be. As for this game, I think a lot of people are guessing this will be a high scoring affair based on the two QB’s running their respective shows. I also think those people guessing that will be right but in the end the Packers come out on top to open their 2011 campaign to Indy.
Cowboys @ Jets: I’ve had a year now to mellow over how much I disliked Rex Ryan last year. Let’s check to see if my feelings have changed towards the Jet’s head coach…nope, he’s still a boorish ass. That being said, Ryan knows how to coach a team and his Jets will roll right over the Cowboys and win handily.
Patriots @ Dolphins: When you look at predictions for the 2011 NFL season you see many, many people picking a Packers/Patriots Super Bowl this year. That possible outcome starts for the Patroits on Monday night as they hand the Dolphins a loss at home in whatever the hell the name of the stadium in Miami this year is.
Saints @ Packers: New Orleans will win this game because they organized a few workouts during the lock-out when the Packers failed to do so…
No, wait. That’s absurd, and people who think that should be dragged behind the chemical sheds.
Actually, the Saints will win because the Packers defense will be looking to find itself early in the season. I think GB will miss Cullen Jenkins for a time, particularly if they are looking to replace him with a less-than-healthy Mike Neal. BJ Raji will be a force, but he will be feeling his way at a new position initially. Packers remain less than settled at OLB opposite Clay Matthews, and Morgan Burnett will only be starting his fifth game at S.
On the plus side, I expect the Packers offense to be good, so I do get them a puncher’s chance of winning what I expect to be close season opener.
Cowboys @ Jets: I expect DAL to be improved after their team exorcism last season. NYJ under one of Buddy’s Boys — not sure which one, but I believe he buys his clothes at Northeastern Tent and Awning – should be good again this season. Normally I would give this one to the team with the better QB (Romo > Sanchez), but as it is on the road, I look for the Jets to strafe the Cowboys.
Patriots @ Dolphins: Hmmm. I know NE is projected to be a good team (and they probably will be as long as Gisele lets Tom take snaps for the Pats) and MIA is thought to be on the rise. While it is not uncommon for early season games to not go true-to-form (particularly for road teams), I have hard time seeing the ‘Fins, even at home, beating New England. Give me the Patriotics.
Saints @ Packers: I won’t pretend, I’m going to be bit verklempt over this game. The first game won’t make or break the Packers, but kicking the year off on a good note is still very important. The Saints looked abysmal last year in the playoffs, but anyone that thinks Sean Payton and crew haven’t done cleanup since then would be woefully mistaken. I think the Packers will win, but the Saints are not going to lay down. Drew Brees is very, very good. I hope that Korey Hall scores a touchdown. That all said, we all know who the better team is. Packers 27 Saints 20.
Cowboys @ Jets: Who do I hate more here? Oh, yes, that’s right, the Cowboys. I don’t see what the Cowboys have done to improve their team, honestly. I see a lot they have gotten rid of people who seemed to be valuable to them and I’m not sure that helped them in any way. Oh, and they still have Tony “I’m a great fantasy QB but not all that great in the clutch” Romo. The Jets have their male model/quarterback, Mark Sanchez. Well then. Mark > Tony. Rex beats Jerry – 30-17.
Patriots @ Dolphins: Tommy Bieber & co. vs a team that doesn’t look to be much better than they were last year. The Patriots, on the other hand, got shamed by the Jets again last season and they are going to be on fire. This shouldn’t even be on the schedule, it’s so unfair. Patriots all the way 34-3.
Saints @ Packers: Statistics…blah, blah, blah…the 2009 Superbowl Champions vs. the 2010 Superbowl Champions…special teams…prolific offenses…home and away…yadda, yadda, yadda…Saints cover the 4.5 point spread; Packers win late. Is it weird that I’m more excited for a glimpse of Mike McCarthy’s trademark, pen-in-cap than the actual kickoff?
Dear God have I missed football.
Cowboys @ Jets: Despite Broadway Mark’s awful GQ spread (and on-field play), Rex and friends lasso the Cowboys and hogtie Tony Romo’s offense. I’m using my lockout-hangover-cheesy-joke-mulligan pass here.
Patriots @ Dolphins: I haven’t the slightest clue who is quaterbacking the Dolphins. Patriots by a lot.